May 19, 2012

Things I'm Afraid To Tell You

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I've returned and with a bang. Thanks to the few and faithful followers who have stuck with me and to those of you who are reading this now. I stumbled upon a new blogosphere movement by accident today. This was the first one I read, the honesty was refreshing. My heart went out to her. I secretly wondered what I was afraid to tell. Then while perusing some blogs tonight I discovered this, this and this.

It was all over. I was ready to share. I love this movement. It is the whole reason I've taken a break from blogging. There are things I'm afraid to tell you. I was going through some stuff and felt like I couldn't share, like I had to keep up whatever image I was projecting. A goal of this blog has always been to be authentically me. I took a break because I felt like I couldn't share honestly. I've worked hard to appear like I got everything together, but SURPRISE! I don't. So with that here it goes.

I get jealous. I like to pretend that I don't pay attention to what other people are doing. But I do. I'm a closet stalker sometimes and I let it control me. What bothers me most about it, is that I'm well aware that comparison is the thief of joy. When I am able to climb outside of the jealousy and appreciate the abundant ways God has blessed me, LIFE IS GOOD.

I fight with my husband. I know lots of spouses fight and the majority of people who know Bobby & I probably assumed as much (or witnessed it). I just have this weird thing in my head that nobody is supposed to know that.  I've been around other married couples that seem perfectly matched and in a perpetual state of honeymoon bliss. I even get annoyed being around them and all the mushy stuff they say to each other. Bobby and I are usually not like that, I think it may be from being friends for so long. Not to say I'm not sometimes blissfully happy with my husband but we have a lot of low points too! I don't have to shout it from the roof tops and I don't have to hide it either. It is just part of who we are. We are still deeply committed and madly in love.

Sometimes I'm embarrassed about living in a studio. I know that seems weird. Lots of people live in small spaces. But it goes against the grain, specially for Orange County. Most people are looking for more space, I'm living happily with less. I think I worry that people will think my husband and I live here because we can't afford anything else. Let me tell you it is budget friendly but we really love living here because we are one house back from the sand. Beach life is unbeatable. There is nothing more soothing than falling asleep to the crashing waves. And why am I worrying about some one's perception about my finances? If am a good steward of my money, that is all that really matters.

So there it is. No giant earth-shattering revelations. But it feels good to release them. I feel ready to start blogging again with a fresh perspective and renewed inspiration. So I hope that those of you that read this will join me as I continue On The Hunt. I will still post about style, design and what the Hubs & I are up to but I will always strive to do it with genuine authenticity.